What common patterns do people often fall into in relationships?
Modern relationships sometimes create a façade to show how free each partner is in their lives and yet they end up piling on to each other with zillions of expectations and projections, which also ends up creating a contradiction about their self-image and leads to self-sabotaging behaviours.
The modern world has taught us it’s own rules and when it comes to relationships some of the rules are: gifting the most expensive things; pressure of showing love for your partner on social media platforms; portraying to the relatives that everything is fine and we both have our own personal identities, and yet we have no conflicts as a family.
With the Bollywood movies and over glamourising of events like Valentine ’s Day, there is a certain image that each person has of the ideal partner they are looking for, and this image is constantly projected on their partner in real life. There is a constant need for proving ‘I am right for you’ and validation of love that partners today struggle with.
What are the common misconceptions about relationships and what do you think these are rooted in?
The biggest misconception about relationships is that, ‘it will complete you’ and therefore there is a lot of heaviness attached to it. This is rooted in the way we have been brought up with fairy tales and Bollywood movies, as though someone will come riding on a horse and fix all the problems of our lives and make the world a better place to live in.
Soon after you get into a relationship you begin to realize that you are engaging with another person who comes with their set of confusions, ambiguities, experiences and worldview.
What are some of the biggest takeaways you’ve gained from your career?
The most important takeaway from my career in energy healing domain is being able to acknowledge my own potency and the contribution I am to the world and this planet.
As an Indian woman, I traded my identity, individuality and sexuality for others’ happiness and their acceptance. But something inside was killing me, I kept fighting with my ‘real-self’ screaming, crying to figure out where I was headed. But I knew I was alive to do something meaningful, but how? I never considered myself special and intelligent enough to make even the slightest of difference to this planet.
Access Consciousness really called out to me and I felt I found something that speaks to my being. Today as a widow in Indian society, I am tagged and labeled with multiple stigmas and besides all of that, I continue to lead a joyful life with a knowing that I am the creator of my world. I am dedicated to tread on this journey and create similar empowering journeys for others!
What happens to both partners when they do embrace a bit of selfishness in the relationship?
Embracing selfishness in relationships leads to feeling grateful for the presence of another person in your life.
Imagine having no pressure of: not being able to meet your friends for dinner; not doing things that you like, it could be going for a class, or a walk; not being able to give up on your passion and your work in the world… what would that feel like? Would that lead to conflicts or gratitude for the other person?
The best part about embracing your selfishness is that you are in allowance of another person embracing their selfishness.
How do you know where to draw the line when it comes to being selfish?
Is it really being selfish or is it choosing what creates greater for you and committing to your own life? When you choose for you, the common notion is as though you are choosing against everyone else. Is that true? Would an aware and conscious being choose something that’s against everyone else?
Another name of consciousness in oneness and choosing to do what makes you happy will make you an inspiration for others to have the courage of choosing for themselves. Dr Dain Heer, the founder of Access Consciousness calls it ‘Kingdom of We’ and rightly says, “We try to believe that we are all alone, and we have to choose only for us.
Otherwise, we’re not choosing for us, we’re choosing against us. What if that was another one of those BIG LIES that you’ve bought? What if, when choosing consciously, it actually included you and the entire planet and everyone on it? And what if what was rewarding would be rewarding for you and everyone else?”
What’s the best piece of advice you’d give people navigating a relationship in today’s world?
You are complete in yourself, you already are, you have a being of your own and if there were to be a new person added to your life, that person can only contribute in making your life greater.
Some of the questions that you could ask before entering into a relationship and on each day of your relationship are:
- Will this contribute greater in my life?
- Does this match the energy I am looking for?
- Am I grateful for having this person in my life?
- Is it light or heavy to be with this person? Remember whatever is light for you is true for you!
- What will my life look like in 5 years if I choose to be with this person? Tap into the energy of what it looks like, see if it is heavy or light for you?
Remember that being in this relationship is a choice you made! Knowing and acknowledging that it is a choice brings you out of the ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t, it reiterates that your power resides in you.
Destroy and let go of all your projections, expectations, separations, judgments, definitions and conclusions about you, your partner and your relationship every night. In the morning you will know what newness is possible, what more is possible?