In her first book, The Untangling, Suzie de Jonge gives voice to her younger self, a persona in desperate need of self-esteem and approval. In this intimate account of her relationship with her mother, de Jonge emerges as an adult fully given to acceptance and healing. In the wake of her mother’s death, de Jonge ruminates over words spoken and unspoken, both of equal importance in their often-uneasy relationship, and finally unburdens herself of the emotional baggage she’s carried with her throughout her life.
Born in Melbourne, de Jonge, 59, lives in on the Gold Coast with her husband Stuart (de Jonge), a builder. She wears many hats including motivational speaker, interviewer and blogger, but her favourite role is mother to her 29-year-old daughter, Alex.
How did The Untangling come about? What was the motivation? Was there an epiphany that came to you one day or was it a gradual process?
It was definitely a gradual process.. I started writing around the time my mum first started her journey of illness at the beginning of the three months. I started working with a coach, not for any reason in particular, but I felt very lost and directionless. So, I just started writing down the feelings that were coming up through this journey with mum and our relationship.
What was that process like?
I just started sharing the journal entries with my coach. She’s like my spiritual guide in life as well as in business matters. She started saying, ‘I think there’s something really important here that needs to be shared.’ So, it was never written with any intention. I never had any agenda when I started writing. It was just for me.
Did you write in fits and spurts or was it something that poured out of you?
It was really fits and spurts because I never knew what the outcome was going to be. There was no outcome at all. It was just a way to download and come to the understanding about what I was feeling. And, so it was normally just a chapter every few weeks, but as I said, it was never a book. Eventually, I got to a point where I started to string it all together and go back into memories from my childhood and my adolescence and realised that bit was complete because mum had passed. And from my work as a coach and therapist, I knew there were so many other people who had similar experiences as I had with parental relationships, and that it wasn’t just my story alone to share. So that’s when I decided to start speaking to other people about their experiences. And then it all came together just beautifully, perfectly.
