From Abuse to Chronic Pain: How Bethany Held onto Hope

By Elli Jacobs

Bethany Chambers suffered a devastating outcome after a routine hernia surgery left her with permanent disabilities and endures chronic pain and autoimmune diseases on a daily basis. Through her social enterprise, Chambers has been able to shift her focus away from her personal pain and towards making a positive impact on the lives of others.

My parents separated when I was two, and I lived with my mum and stepdad, with access to my dad on the weekend. Out of the blue, when I was nine years old and without letting my dad know, we moved interstate. I only reconnected with him two years later when a private investigator he hired tracked us down. By then, he had remarried and our communication although existent was sparse, and at the time staying with him wasn’t feasible.

In the meantime, my mum and stepdad had a baby together and all the love, care and attention went to my younger half-brother, who shared a biological bond with both. As a result, I grew up without experiencing a nurturing family environment.

Feeling like I was treated as the hired help – responsible for taking my half-brother to kindergarten on public transport by myself and back home having to cook meals and tidy the house as they both worked full-time – by age 12, I began to rebel. My only happy place was school. It was my escape, and I excelled as a student. However, I was never allowed to invite friends over.

Things became volatile, and I was thrown out of the house, age 13, with nothing but my school bag and the clothes I was wearing. For the next 18 months I was in and out of youth refuges, as I could only stay for six weeks at a time. In between I would couch surf or sleep rough. It wasn’t an easy time in my life. This forced me to steal food to survive, which made me feel guilty. I would sometimes leave a note explaining my situation.

At one point I became involved with a very abusive man who took me under his wing. I only just managed to avoid using drugs, alcohol or entering prostitution, which were very much part of being homeless.

Regaining a sense of control

Just in time at age 16, a community-driven initiative provided me with a small unit of my own. A place of safety, it gave me the ability to gain some control over my own life and body and the ability to think about my future. By then, I had fallen behind in my education, dropping out of school in year 11.

I started my first paid administrative full-time job at St John Ambulance. I also joined their volunteer program, providing first aid to the public at events. This began my life legacy of giving back to community.

Age 18, as a marketing assistant at an IT company, I met my first husband. Six months into dating, he got offered a job at the company’s London office and I went with him. We returned to marry in Australia when I turned 21. A year later, when I was pregnant with my first son, we decided to relocate interstate, where my partner was from, wanting family support during this time. Our first son, Aiden, was born in January 2000, and in July 2002, my second son, Zac. By 2005, as the kids were about to start school we moved interstate again, so I could be close to my dad.

I resumed volunteer work with the State Emergency Service, where I crossed paths with a fellow member who had moved on to become a police officer. The idea of earning a living while serving the community really resonated with me. This was around the time my first marriage came to an end, and in 2008, I began training as a recruit, ultimately joining the Police Service in 2010. I took up every opportunity I could get to help in child protection through my lived experience and the power my position afforded me.

My health crisis

Pregnant with my daughter in 2012 after remarrying a year prior, I developed early on in the pregnancy a spigelian hernia. This occurs when the organs bulge between the front abdominal muscles, causing me excruciating pain. She was eventually born via emergency caesarean section, seven weeks prematurely, in 2012. A month later I was able to bring home my healthy baby girl, Calista.

Post-partum the pain continued, leading to a flare-up and I ended up having emergency surgery, in December 2012. I woke up screaming, as the tacks used to secure the mesh were in the wrong spot, grating along my ribs. Every breath I took was agony. I was rushed back to the emergency room for a second surgery, which eased the pain.

My hernia repair failed 18 months later, after intense police training. I was operated upon a third time which went horrifically wrong. While inserting the second layer of hernia mesh, the surgeon nicked a lesion, causing extensive internal bleeding, which they only realised when back on the ward hours after recovery I lost consciousness and two litres of blood. This led to an emergency laparotomy. The ramifications of permanent nerve damage leave me to live in constant unrelenting pain. My body has developed autoimmune issues including fibromyalgia, which includes musculoskeletal pain, sleep disorders, cognitive symptoms and mood issues plus complex regional pain syndrome resulting in burning pain, and exhaustion.

A pain management specialist suggested I try the Boston Scientific Spinal Cord Stimulator, which uses an implanted device to deliver mild electrical impulses that interrupt pain signals the nerves send through the spinal cord to the brain, with the promise that it would provide good pain relief. Even though this hadn’t been done before to anyone with abdominal issues, the pain was so unmanageable I decided to give it a go.

I had a trial surgery in April 2015, where they implanted electrodes into the spinal root for a week and the pain was reduced significantly. In May 2015 I returned for the more invasive surgery where they permanently infused the stimulator into my spinal column and nerve root, and created a pocket in my right hip area to accommodate an internal battery pack. The initial surgery was unsuccessful as the leads shifted, prompting a second operation in June 2015.

During the second procedure, the leads were repositioned, and the battery pack was relocated to my left hip. Despite attempts to adjust the electrode programming, the medical team was unable to find the optimal settings to effectively manage my pain.

The device is now inactive and ineffective. I’ve made the difficult decision not to proceed with the long surgical removal, leaving me to cope with chronic pain.

I never get any reprieve. Mundane activities like getting a haircut have become daunting tasks. I’ve had to bid farewell to bike rides and kicking the ball with my kids. I struggle to sleep more than two hours straight a night. When we go for parent-teacher meetings, I need to ensure there’s an adult-size chair for me to sit in. We also had to move from our big two-storey family home to a single level as I couldn’t climb the stairs.

I’ve also been grappling with gastrointestinal issues, including stomach cramps, which have hindered my body’s ability to absorb nutrients, resulting in a significant weight loss of over 30kg. The cumulative effect of these challenges has taken a toll on my mental wellbeing, with a psychologist’s diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and anxiety. I’m reliant on myriad pain medications daily just to ensure I’m not bedridden constantly. Today that pain has extended to envelope my whole right leg, groin and abdomen, causing physical disability and reliance upon walking aids. Consequently, I was medically retired as a Senior Constable in 2016, at age 36.

A new beginning

I’m a mum and I know just how expensive children’s toys can be and their importance as developmental tools. I believe that every child deserves access to high-quality toys, which is why I founded Merry Go Round Toys, a social enterprise that provides gently used toys for children from birth to eight years old. From our home studio store, we offer a unique consignment model, where local caregivers, therapists, teachers and parents can purchase sanitised and thoroughly inspected toys.

Additionally, we offer a store credit option, allowing parents and grandparents to exchange their outgrown toys for new ones, ensuring their little ones always have age-appropriate toys. That way they save money and they support keeping toys in use and out of landfill, which is where 80 percent of used toys end up. Vitally, we share proceeds with our charity partners, such as Houses of Hope, Share the Dignity and Redland Bay Men’s Shed. Our efforts were recognised last year when the Redland Coast Chamber of Commerce awarded us the Innovation and Sustainability award. In May 2024, I won the gold award for social enterprise through Women Changing the World, where I flew to London and met Sarah ‘Fergie’ Ferguson, the Duchess of York, which was cool.

After winning silver in the Social Enterprise and bronze in the Disabled Business Excellence categories at the AusMumpreneur Awards in Melbourne, I hired two other disabled people through another social enterprise, Myhorizon, to assist with cleaning and storing the toys.

One of our greatest achievements was tracking down a specific toy pig. A mum contacted us asking if we could find it as it’s the only thing her non-verbal son will connect to, which his occupational therapist uses. By locating the toy pig, we provided a vital link between the mother and her son, facilitating communication and comfort.

Where I am today wouldn’t have been possible without the support of my husband, Scott, my dad Paul, but mostly my children. They saved my life, as it was their needs and dependence upon me that got me out of bed during my darkest times. My work has given me my love language to give to others and transcend my own pain. I would say don’t lose heart during challenging days: they will eventually come to an end. Even on the darkest of days, a brighter tomorrow awaits.

From pain to purpose

How you respond to adversity can lead to significant growth; however, you must first accept your pain and offer yourself compassion for this suffering.

Emily McRae, a NZ-based health psychologist, says acceptance is incredibly important when managing chronic pain, as when we ‘fight’ our reality, it can lead us down a path of resistance, which only makes us struggle more – the ‘why me’, or ‘this is unfair’ adds to our suffering.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean wanting or liking the situation, it’s about finding peace with our reality,” she says. “In turn, this helps open us up to discovering creative ways of managing our pain and shifting our attention away from the experience of pain. We may also be able to reframe our experience and find that there are still things to be grateful for, proud of, or perhaps learn from.

“Try reciting this mantra: ‘May I accept how things are, just as they are’.” McRae adds that when we accept our pain, this can help us cultivate compassion for our lived experience as well as for  others who are struggling – just like we are. “This may make us more likely to reach out and support our fellow human beings.”

One in six New Zealanders reported chronic pain, while in Australia 3.4 million people are affected by chronic pain.

A January 2020 study, published in the  Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States, found that acting altruistically – defined as putting the wellbeing of others before our own without expecting anything in return – relieved not only acutely induced physical pain among healthy adults, but also chronic pain among cancer patients.

Researchers found that by incurring the costs of helping others, people can help buffer their own unpleasant conditions.

Further, a 2017 study found chronic pain sufferers who volunteered, experienced decreased pain along with an improved sense of purpose. A reason why is that regions of the brain that react to painful stimulation appear to be instantly deactivated by the experience of giving.

When we help others without expecting anything in return, our brains respond by releasing feel-good chemicals and reduce our sensitivity to pain.

This reality makes a strong case for incorporating selfless activities into our daily routine, particularly in the new year, as it can have a profound impact on our own wellbeing and that of others.

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