When I was 10, my family relocated from New Zealand to Bundaberg, a quaint town in Queensland, where I completed my schooling. Being very adventurous and a bit of a tomboy, I discovered my passion for the Army Cadets.
Upon graduation, in 1998, age 18, I secured a scholarship to the Australian Defence Force Academy, and I joined the military. It marked the fulfillment of a long-held ambition I had worked towards since my early teens.
Tragically, my military career was cut short when just as I was turning 19, I was sexually assaulted midway through my first year of training. The perpetrator was brought to justice, but the incident had a profound impact on my life. It was so traumatic that six months later, I made the difficult decision to leave the army.
Over the next 10 years, I embarked on a career in marketing, where my high-functioning personality allowed me to excel. However, I neglected to acknowledge the warning signs of deteriorating mental health.
After a distressing incident of self-harm and a string of intense manic episodes, in 2008, age 28, I sought help from my GP, who subsequently referred me to a psychiatrist. Following an evaluation, I was diagnosed with complex mental illness. This marked the beginning of an over a decade-long battle against bipolar affective disorder, which led to my manic episodes and psychosis, complex PTSD specifically tied to the assault, and generalised anxiety.
Discovering the underlying cause of my erratic thoughts and behaviour brought a sense of relief.
Understanding that there was a logical explanation, rather than simply being a flawed individual, was a comforting realisation that helped alleviate some of the self-doubt.
My psychiatrist prescribed lithium with the hope that it would make me well. Yet in the years that followed I became increasingly unhealthy and unhappy, and I entered a very dark period in my life.
Over the next six years I made very unhealthy and irresponsible decisions that had devastating consequences.
My weight skyrocketed from 60kg to 120kg, I became incapable of making a rational decision, I accumulated debt that I couldn’t repay, and my poor choices wreaked havoc on my relationships with loved ones. In short, every day felt like a struggle, and I felt suffocated by own mistakes.
Rushed to hospital
In the days leading up to 1st December 2014, I began to experience a range of distressing symptoms, including cloudy vision, vivid hallucinations, and difficulties with mobility and speech. Moreover, I was plagued by extremely intense episodes of psychosis. I was rushed to Gold Coast University Hospital, where it was determined that I had lithium poisoning in my bloodstream.
This near-fatal experience was the pivotal moment my life changed. Knowing that I was doing all the things that the specialists had told me to do to make me well and it had nearly killed me, I decided that the medication wasn’t working for me and that there had to be another way.
After experiencing a brief period of stability and feeling relatively well during my one-week hospital stay, I became resolute in taking charge of my wellbeing. I sought a consultation with my psychiatrist to discuss the possibility of discontinuing my psychotropic medication for good.
After my medical team determined that I had been attending all my medical appointments up to then, they supported the decision, on the condition that I continued to see my GP and psychologist.
Life-changing habits
Feeling that I had lost 15 years of my life stuck in a victim mindset, I immediately began to make changes, both inwardly and outwardly, to discover who I was beyond my illness. It was extremely difficult and by no means a linear process. But, through consistency and a commitment to myself, I put in the work and transformed my life.
Beginning in 2015, I completed a degree in food and nutrition to have a better understanding about nutrients and how they impacted my body.
As I learned to prepare nutritious meals for the first time, I became more aware of my emotional eating habits. This newfound understanding empowered me to make positive food swaps, leading to weight loss and an increase in my self-esteem.
As I made progress in my health journey, life became easier and I became happier, clearer in my thoughts and I noticed a considerable reduction in physical and emotional struggles. Overall I felt lighter in mind, body and spirit. This newfound energy motivated me to establish a morning routine that included achieving 10,000 daily steps. By 2018, I’d successfully reached 75 kilos, which I maintained until 2022. Over the past two years, and due to my improved lifestyle and mindset, I’m back to a healthy weight.
All along my psychologist has supported my efforts by teaching me through mindfulness how to understand my experiences and develop my own insight. Consequently, my thought process and the way I regulate my emotions is what has dramatically changed and that’s what has transformed my life.
Over time and as I’ve refused to let my past define my future, I’ve begun to feel more alive and hopeful in life. Empowered by my resilience and my personal journey, I now advocate for justice, and I speak out against sexual assault and harassment, to encourage individuals to find strength in their struggles and to never lose sight of their inherent worth.
I’m an ambassador for SANE – a national mental health charity working to support those affected by complex mental health issues – where I offer peer support to those experiencing similar symptoms to mine. In October 2022, on behalf of SANE, I travelled to Jakarta to support Indonesians who have mental health challenges, mostly by sharing my own mental health journey. Further, in 2022, when I saw a professional cuddler in an episode of the TV series Billions, it immediately resonated with me. My mum’s hugs have been a source of comfort and love for me my entire life, especially through my hardest times. So, knowing the power of hugs, I trained as a cuddle therapist a few months later, to provide the transformative power of healing touch to those suffering from loneliness with a clinical approach. After having done training in peer support mental health coupled with my own lived experience, I’ve been a shoulder for people to cry on as they release trauma and sadness.
Lack of human touch can have a significant effect on our ability to function and make decisions, as well as on our overall health. Due to the release of oxytocin, the love hormone released after an extensive hug, the common feedback I receive from my clients includes reduction in stress levels, ease of physical pain, and how it promotes a sense of calmness and relaxation. Humans crave physical connection and cuddle therapy is very powerful.
Meaningful connections
In July 2023, I launched Speed Friending Gold Coast, a unique initiative designed to facilitate meaningful connections among local women. The concept revolves around organising informal gatherings, such as dinner parties or picnics, where women can come together, build relationships, and forge lasting bonds of friendship.
To me, friendships are very important, as along the way I’ve lost many friends either because they could only relate to the old Missy, or they’ve created families, and our lives are so different. Consequently, I want to help women struggling to make friends later in life to be able to do so. This endeavour has also allowed me to establish deep, meaningful relationships on a personal level.
I now consider myself to be happy and much more optimistic about life than most people I know. Meeting me now, you’d never know I’d suffered so much distress and existential angst in my life.
Over time I’ve continued to cultivate a greater sense of self-acceptance and self-respect, which has had a ripple effect on how I treat others. I’ve made a conscious effort to foster stronger, more meaningful bonds with family and friends, recognising the immense importance they bring to my life.
Now my GP tells me almost every time I see him what a miracle I am and how proud he is of me.
My psychologist says the change has been remarkable and my mum is bursting with pride; she finally doesn’t need to worry about me. It’s also my friends who all say, “everyone needs a bit of Missy in their life”. It’s the best compliment I could ever receive.
While these are incurable illnesses, I am in what I call ‘remission’.
My psychologist has advised that I no longer have any signs or symptoms of PTSD or bipolar type 1, and I haven’t had a psychotic episode since 2014.
Path to understanding
Learning to understand my brain and my moods and then putting changes into practice was the key to changing my life and getting to where I am today. I feel that I stand as a testament to the power of perseverance and that’s it’s possible to overcome the darkest of times.
Moreover, on a personal level, I’m single and I have been single for almost five years now, and that’s healing to me – to be able to make choices just for myself daily. My priority in life is gratitude for the fact that I’m happy and healthy, I’m able to channel my experiences into positive action and use my voice to uplift others facing adversity.
My advice to families and carers who have a loved one experiencing complex mental health issues is that it’s essential to acknowledge that you can’t fully comprehend their experience, no matter how hard you try. Instead, focus on providing as much unwavering support and encouragement as possible as they navigate their journey.
Ultimately, we’re all solely responsible for our own healing and growth. Offer reassurance that their struggles are temporary and will eventually subside. And with time, they will.
Effective treatment of bipolar disorder
Mental health conditions can be complex and can involve the co-occurrence of multiple conditions, such as psychological distress, exposure to trauma, and/or conditions such as schizophrenia, personality disorders, and bipolar disorder at the same time.
Around 3 percent or 800,000 of Australians live with a complex mental health condition and about 2.2 percent live with a form of bipolar disorder.
In New Zealand, Stats NZ’s Wellbeing Statistics indicate that in 2021, 28 percent of the population had poor mental wellbeing. Registered clinical psychologist and University of Otago Associate Professor Katie Douglas, says bipolar disorder affects more than just people’s moods.
“This condition can lead to a range of core symptoms, including disturbances in sleep patterns, impaired cognitive function (affecting memory, planning, and problem-solving abilities), and significant fluctuations in energy levels,” she says.
“Furthermore, it can also trigger anxiety, substance abuse issues, and a distorted perception of one’s body image. Therefore, it’s crucial that treatment providers offer holistic comprehensive care, encompassing not only medication options but psychological guidance and personalised lifestyle advice to address these interconnected aspects.
“Often in therapy, I like to talk with people about what they need to do to be able to control bipolar disorder, rather than having bipolar disorder control you. Just like moving from the passenger’s seat to the driver’s seat.”
To aid people’s long-term recovery, this can include such things as developing a sustainable routine that includes regularity in sleep and eating patterns, and to also increase social connectedness. “Bipolar disorder, just like any other mental health condition, can be hugely isolating, and often relationships can be lost or greatly affected,” says Associate Professor Douglas. “Research tells us that having solid social supports, and having people we can confide in, is one of the strongest protective factors in keeping well with bipolar.
“Further, community support groups can help people with bipolar disorder feel less alone in their struggles, as knowing that you’re talking with people who have been through similar experiences to you can be hugely valuable and normalising.”
Support groups:
sane.org
bipolarcaregivers.org
beyondblue.org.au
