In today’s world it can seem like everyone is only out for themselves. In the US particularly, all you hear in politics is ‘us and them’, the ‘good and the bad’, the ‘right and the wrong’. Even on a personal level, whether it is finding your place at school, connecting with colleagues at work, developing new friendships or just feeling out of place in your own family, we all, at various stages in our lives, find ourselves questioning our place in the world and our connection with the people around us. However, humans aren’t built for this disconnection and separation, and the rising epidemic of loneliness shows the catastrophic consequence.
A sense of belonging, of being understood and accepted for who we are, is vital for our health and survival. Research professor and author Dr Brené Brown says “We’re physically, emotionally, cognitively, and for many of us, spiritually, hard-wired for connection, love, and belonging, and it’s why we’re here, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives”.
Feelings of loneliness often come and go throughout life, and can fluctuate depending on circumstances and life events. However, in some cases, loneliness can become chronic, persisting for extended periods of time. Some people may not even realise their low mood stems from loneliness. “Loneliness is the great masquerader,” Dr Murthy writes in his book, Together. “It can appear as anger, alienation, sadness, and a host of distressing emotional states.”
How did we get here?
According to the Harvard researchers, the leading causes of loneliness according to all who were surveyed included: technology (73%), insufficient time with family (66%), overwork/fatigue/being too busy (62%), mental health challenges (60%) and living in a society that is too individualistic (58%). No religious or spiritual life, too much focus on one’s own feelings, and the changing nature of work were also perceived causes of loneliness selected by around 50% of people who participated in the survey.
Moving forward
Due to the nature of loneliness being a complex and deeply personal emotional experience, there’s no one strategy to cure it. However, there are many practical steps that offer a path to finding a solution. Harvard researchers state that at least three-quarters of people surveyed highlighted these solutions to loneliness: reach out to family or friends; learn to love myself; learn to be more forgiving of others; find ways to help others.
Building strong connections
For those looking to learn how to build stronger connections with people, Dr Brené Brown suggests focusing on developing connections through vulnerability, courage and empathy.
She believes that only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable – by showing our true selves, expressing our feelings and taking emotional risks – can we truly connect with others.
Another key concept in Dr Brown’s work is the power of empathy. She emphasises that empathy – being able to connect with someone’s feelings without judgement – is essential for building strong relationships. She explains that empathy requires active listening and a willingness to sit with another person’s discomfort.
Building strong, meaningful relationships isn’t just about networking or socialising for the sake of it; it’s about nurturing bonds that genuinely enrich our lives. Whether personal or professional, strong human connections form the foundation for our emotional and physical wellbeing. Building these connections takes effort, but the rewards are great, providing a sense of belonging and purpose.
If you have feelings of loneliness or isolation, please don’t go it alone.
Whether it’s getting in touch with your friends and family or meeting with a professional (such as a counsellor or doctor), the best thing you can do for yourself is to reach out today.
Loneliness Awareness Week runs 4–10 August, with the campaign encouraging everyone to make small, meaningful interactions.
Making friends or forming connections takes time and effort, but it often starts with a small moment. An awkward hello, a chance encounter, an act of kindness, a compliment, a shared experience or interest or even a funny story – these small but meaningful interactions matter. They spark conversation and help us feel seen and valued.
This Loneliness Awareness Week they invite everyone to make moments matter at home, work, school, online and in the community.
