Joan Rivers’ 10 best one liners of all time

Joan Rivers’ 10 best one liners of all time
She may no longer be with us, but Joan Rivers' jokes still live on. Here are our 10 favourite one liners.

81-year-old Joan Rivers has died at age 81 after fighting for her life a week on from suffering a heart attack during routine throat surgery last week.

“It is with great sadness that I announce the death of my mother, Joan Rivers,” Rivers’ daughter Melissa in a statement.

“She passed peacefully at 1:17pm surrounded by family and close friends. My son and I would like to thank the doctors, nurses, and staff of Mount Sinai Hospital for the amazing care they provided for my mother.

“Cooper and I have found ourselves humbled by the outpouring of love, support, and prayers we have received from around the world. They have been heard and appreciated.

“My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”

A funeral service for Rivers will take place on Sunday at New York’s Temple Emanu-El.

But while the comedian may no longer be with us, her witty jokes still live on. Here is a compilation of our favourite Joan Rivers one liners:

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”

“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware.”

“My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.”

“I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.”

“I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, ‘Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.’”

“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”

“I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.”

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”

“I once asked my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘Because I don’t want to wake you up.’”

“My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.”


Print Recipe


Let us keep you up to date with our weekly MiNDFOOD e-newsletters which include the weekly menu plan, health and news updates or tempt your taste buds with the MiNDFOOD Daily Recipe. 

Member Login