How to have fulfilling relationships

By Dr John Demartini

How to have fulfilling relationships
Expert advice on building and maintaining meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

No one around you is committed to making your life fulfilling and amazing every day – that is primarily up to you. However, you can find someone who helps you do what fulfils your life, and theirs. A fulfilling life will include helping others and the special one you love most.

Advice on fulfilling relationships

Dr John Demartini, a renowned entrepreneur and human behaviour expert, founder of The Demartini Institute and author of 40 books, shares his top tips on how you can have more fulfilling relationships.

First, avoid building a one-sided relationship.

In truth, there is only a balanced form of love. Everything else is a one-sided romantic fantasy or illusion. One of the pillars of stable relationships is to understand each other’s highest values and how they can fulfil and complement each other. There are three ways to conduct a relationship, and each one has an entirely different outcome. A careless relationship is one in which you project and focus on your own values, without considering your partner at all. A careful relationship is when you think in terms of your partner’s values without considering your own, called “walking on eggshells”.

Both are one-sided approaches that ignore one person and create tension in the relationship. But, a caring relationship can also be one where you communicate your values in terms of theirs. You think of both sides simultaneously, expressing your love for yourself and each other. The definition of caring is knowing someone well enough to know their values and caring enough to express your values in terms of theirs.

Understand and honour your partner’s differences

Whenever something supports your values, you take away the rules, and when something challenges your values, you set rules. Nations do it, companies do it and we do it in relationships. Often when we are in a relationship, we unwisely think the other person is supposed to be like us, but the purpose of a relationship is to teach us to love the parts we’ve disowned. Each person has their own unique set of values – no two people are the same. Each person expresses love through his or her own values. When we honour our partner’s value system, we realise that we are surrounded by love in forms we didn’t even recognise.

Be aware of your own values

It is essential to know and embrace your personal values before looking for a partner. Just like you inwardly ask yourself “what is in it for me?” they also ask what’s in it for them. If you desire to attract a great catch, it is reasonable for you to also be a great catch. You magnetise loving mates when you are authentic and empowered. Instead of looking for fleeting happiness in a relationship, it is more wisely to ask yourself:

  1. What are my top three highest values and how can I fulfil them?
  2. What would I absolutely love to do in life?
  3. Which highest priority action steps can I take today to achieve this?

The quality of your life is based on the quality of questions you ask. Answering these quality questions will help you to illuminate your personal values and allow you to be the greatest and most authentic version of yourself. Release the healing power of love and gratitude, to help you realise that you already have everything you are looking for – all it takes is a little bit of attention and communication.

It’s also important to ask these four questions of your relationship every day.


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