It is a common misconception that letting anger out will help you. Instead you can be left with a bad feeling or a worse situation. By all means discuss what has caused you to feel angry, but try to do so by expressing your own feelings rather than blaming others. This is the difference between “I feel angry when you seem to take my help for granted” and “You never thank me for what I do for you”.
If you need to leave the room to wait for some of the heat to dissipate from your emotions, that’s a good idea. When things are calmer, and you can be kind to each other, keep talking, and maintain eye contact.
Often, what we all really want is to be reassured that we are valued and loved.
Personalities play a part – some people want more togetherness and others need more time alone. When facing another person’s anger, try to put up a mental shield that says, “You’re angry, that’s okay. It’s your anger, I don’t have to take it on”. Then you’ve created a boundary that distinguishes between the other person’s ‘stuff’ and your own.
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