This survivor-focused organisation, which aims to create and facilitate safe spaces for male, trans and non-binary survivors of sexual abuse, rape and sexual exploitation across Greater Manchester in the UK, provides a range of support services, including counselling, advocacy and community outreach.
Richard Gadd, a survivor of sexual abuse, as evidenced by the Netflix series, is the ambassador for the charity.
For those unfamiliar with the premise of Baby Reindeer, the surprise hit of 2024 that became a worldwide phenomenon, it is based on a true story about Gadd, a writer-performer who becomes embroiled in a relationship of sorts with his female stalker, and the impact it has on his life. This powerful narrative, which also delves into his experience of sexual abuse, has captivated audiences worldwide.
Gadd has shown remarkable courage in his autobiographical series about the sexual abuse he endured, as well as dealing with a stalker he accuses of exhibiting disturbing behaviour. The stress he had to cope with was indeed challenging. “There were times when I didn’t handle it well, to be honest. It reached intolerable pitches at various stages. It was really difficult,” he says.
“It was a very unique situation and very, very stressful. I learned to cope by realising how important it is to take time to look after yourself and designate time to sitting, being and doing something you enjoy that feels quite healing. Taking a beat when those moments happen and making sure you learn how to censor yourself as best you can.”
Gunning, who played the role of Gadd’s stalker in the series, recalls how she reacted when she read the script: “When the audition came through for Baby Reindeer, it was a no-brainer. It was one of the best things I’ve ever read. I’ve worked for 17 years now as an actor, and I don’t think I’ve ever been part of a show that has been seen by so many people and has affected so many people.”
Gadd’s brutal honesty about his experiences has surely helped others. She nods in agreement. “Richard’s bravery in the telling of Episode Four [a detailed account of his abuse at the hands of a TV producer who he believes will help him with his career] has genuinely changed people’s lives. There are so many people who get in touch with both of us and talk about how his bravery and his story made them feel seen for the first time,” she says. “I could not be prouder to be part of a show that is making such a difference in the world. And it’s all down to him, really. I’m very proud.”
The way in which sexual abuse is most harmful is the insidiousness of the way it impacts the victim without being overt.
Gadd says, “I think sexual abuse works in a funny way. It’s a very self-punishing crime in a lot of ways because it’s very easy to blame yourself for certain situations. I spent so long blaming myself when it wasn’t my fault – but the second I started talking about it, everything got better.
“There is a silence and shame around these kinds of things, but the first step is breaking the silence and being in a situation where you can speak in a protected, confidential manner, where you can say stuff without judgement,” he explains. “I think it was about two years before I ever spoke to anyone. It was a friend first, and then I think it might’ve been my mum. But for those two years, the pressure was intolerable.” He pauses. “But every time I spoke to someone since, I felt like I was lightening the load. I felt less judged, and people understood. I spent time convincing myself that I should just get over it. But then everyone I talked to was quite taken aback. So, in a lot of ways, that validated the weight and the might of what I’d been through.”
As for what advice he would give others who have experienced abuse, he says, “I think it’s easier said than done, but it’s okay to feel bad. Sometimes what I’ve found with certain bouts of severe mental health problems is the fact that I’m constantly thinking ‘I shouldn’t feel this way. How do I get through this emotion?’ And the fight almost adds to the pain in a way,” he says. “So, I would say a lot of it is accepting that all pain is temporary. I’ve never been stuck in a permanent state of mental distress. It’s lasted for a long time, months and months, but there’s always been bursts of relief. My advice is to let the feelings in. Feelings do pass. It takes a lot of time, but they do,” he assures.
We often tend to be harder on ourselves or more judgemental than we would be towards anyone else. He nods. “I’d never judge anyone else. As you can see in the show, I’ve struggled with sexuality in my life and given myself a hard time for that growing up in a Scottish town. I had these latent feelings of shame, but if somebody ever came to me and said, ‘I’m struggling with my sexuality,’ I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.”
On the subject of men being victims of rape, it can be a particularly tough pill to swallow as it messes with everything from upbringing to masculinity. “Yeah, speaking from personal experience, you grow up being told that the prince rescues the princess. That was drilled into us at a young age. He climbs the beanstalk and topples the giant. So, from a young age, there is this pressure put on men to be brave and strong,” he notes. “And that leads to a silence around a lot of the traumas that people go through. When it comes to sexual abuse the reason why so few men come forward to report it and so many few people come forward to even discuss it is because they find it a dent on their masculinity. Fundamentally, what they feel is dis-empowered.” He pauses. “I think you really do survive sexual abuse. That’s why the wording of We Are Survivors is so strong, because you really do survive it. Surviving it is a hugely brave and strong thing to do, but a lot of men see it as something to be ashamed of.”
Through Baby Reindeer, Gadd has done a great service to abused men.
“Watching the show, you see there’s someone who’s been very honest. What I like to think the show has done and the reason so many men are coming forward is that it’s given them permission to feel that way and not to feel ashamed, but ultimately, to seek help.” He adds, finally, “That’s one of the aspects of the show that I’m most proud of. What it does, hopefully for survivors everywhere, but male survivors in particular, is the idea that you’re not alone.”
