Ever feel like you’re running on empty? Like you’re giving everything to everyone and nothing’s left for yourself?
You’re not alone. Many women face the challenge of balancing their emotional needs with the expectations of others. Women are often expected to carry the emotional labour and burden in the workplaces and household. Due to a combination of biological, gender-related differences, and sociocultural factors, you, as a woman, may be disproportionately impacted by well-being challenges compared to men. However, men often feel they must hide their vulnerability or emotional distress, even when it negatively affects their mental health. In fact, men account for approximately 75% of all suicides in Australia.
Getting the boundaries right is key for your and other people’s mental health and well-being. The truth is, many of us find it difficult to recognise our emotional limits and boundaries. We may need an internal emotional dashboard to check in on our internal fuel level and energy reserves.
Here are five powerful ways to check-in and set healthy emotional boundaries.
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Recognise what drains you and what energises you
What drains you? What fills you up? If you don’t know, you can’t protect your emotional space.
Maybe it’s a difficult conversation with a friend that leaves you feeling empty. Or perhaps it’s work piling on top of work, with no time for yourself. These things can drain your energy, but it’s hard to say no if you’re not aware.
Now, think of what makes you feel alive. Is it a walk in nature? A chat with a close friend who supports you. Time to dive into a hobby you love. These are your energy boosters.
Ask yourself, “What did I give today, and what did I get back?” Be honest. If it’s always a one-way street, it may be time to rethink your emotional boundaries.
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Identify your emotional triggers
What makes you snap? The work deadline that keeps getting pushed? A friend’s constant negativity? Those moments when your emotions take over are your triggers. You might not always see them coming. These hidden strains can sometimes lead to regrettable and detrimental stress reactions that impact your relationships with others.
Pay attention to your body, when certain people or situations make you angry, upset, or anxious, they are pushing you past your emotional limits. Once you recognise what sets you off, you can set clear boundaries.
Instead of feeling overwhelmed, give yourself permission to pause and ask, “Why does this affect me so deeply, what thoughts trigger these emotions?” This is your emotional compass guiding you to what needs protecting. Take back control by setting limits that deal with the cause of those triggers.
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Learn to say no – without guilt
This one’s tough, right? The “people-pleaser” instinct kicks in, and you feel guilty for saying no. But here’s the truth: You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Saying no is a superpower. Imagine saying, “no, I won’t do that again,” without guilt. What would that feel like? You’re not being selfish – you’re being wise.
Start small. If someone asks for your time and it doesn’t serve you, say no. Practise it. Saying no gives you the space to recharge and focus on what truly matters to you.
Tell yourself: “I’m saying no to help me grow.”
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Communicate clearly
You don’t need to apologise for having emotional boundaries. The truth is, others may not even realise you need space. But once you communicate your needs clearly, they will respect them.
You don’t have to shout your boundaries from the rooftops. A simple, “I need some time to recharge,” or, “I can’t take on this extra project right now,” will do wonders. Be firm. Be direct.
Tell yourself, “I love and respect my needs,” and “my needs deserve my full attention at this moment.”
If they push back, acknowledge their concerns but remain firm. You’ve set your boundary. Now stand by it.
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Practice self-compassion
We’re often our harshest critics. When we feel emotionally drained, we tend to blame ourselves for not being able to handle it all. But you are human, not a superhero.
Self-compassion is about being kind to yourself when you’re tired, when things don’t go right. It’s about recognising that it’s okay to step back and take care of your own needs.
Imagine saying to yourself: “It’s okay to rest. It’s normal to take a break. I’ve done enough.”
By practising self-compassion, you stop beating yourself up and start honouring your emotional limits.
Final reflection
Your emotional boundaries are yours to define and protect. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for setting limits that protect your own needs. You don’t need permission to prioritise your mental well-being.
Here’s a question for you to reflect on: When was the last time you set a boundary that took care of your emotional well-being?
Dr. Siew Fang Law is a social psychologist and peace psychology expert, passionate about fostering systemic care in individuals, organisations and communities. Together with leadership coach Hannes van Resnburg, they bring their combined expertise and personal experiences to champion a movement of care, offering practical tools and insights to transform lives and create a more compassionate world. Their book, The Power of Care, is available via www.BentoBoxOfCare.com.
Anyone who may be feeling distressed can contact the following organisations for support –
New Zealand:
Lifeline 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)
Depression Helpline 0800 111 757 or text 4202
Youthline 0800 376 633
Australia:
SANE Helpline 1800 18 72 63
Lifeline 131 114
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
