With pint-sized models draped across the pages of glossy magazines; actors flaunting their perfectly made-up faces on television; and gorgeous celebrities flawlessly displayed on hundreds of thousands of web pages, it can sometimes be hard to accept the lumps, bumps and wrinkles that comprise our own bodies. Add to this the numerous multi-million-dollar industries targeting our unwavering desire to be thin, toned, fit and beautiful, actively encouraging our dissatisfaction with our weight, hair colour and skin tone, and you have a recipe for a negative body image.

Our constant pursuit of the ideal, however, is not only unrealistic, but also damaging to our health. About-Face, a non-profit US organisation committed to promoting positive body image, believes the ‘idealised woman’ is up to 19 per cent below the healthy weight range, and that by pursuing this ideal, women leave themselves open to feelings of self-devaluation, depression and helplessness.

So how do we say no to dissatisfaction, forget about what other people are thinking, and accept the body and face we've been given? After all, plenty of women have successfully come to terms with their own bodies.

In her latest book, Women's Stuff, Australian author, cartoonist and broadcaster, Kaz Cooke, talks in depth about body confidence.

"Something I learned from writing this book is that it's not about what you have or what you look like, it's about how you feel and whether you've made peace with it," Cooke says.

Having conducted a survey of more than 7000 women, Cooke discovered one thing:  "It isn't about the size, shape or body part, it's about what's in your head."

"The 'ideal body' admired in the media is very tall, thin and prepubescent but with big breasts," Cooke says. "Very few girls or women are that shape, and the rest of us tend to think there's something wrong with us. There are billions of people on earth, so it doesn't make sense to think there could be only one 'perfect' kind of body."

With bulging waistlines, it's certainly important to recognise if your weight is getting out of hand, as living with unnecessary weight can lead to significant health problems, including type 2 diabetes, as well as increased risk of heart disease, some cancers and strokes. However, if you feel healthy and strong, exercise frequently,  keep your alcohol consumption to recommended levels and include a wide range of fruit and vegetables in your diet, it's time to stop fixating on your ‘flaws’.

SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Easier said than done? Cooke suggests taking the following steps to gain self-acceptance.

1. Accentuate the positive

Write a list of the good things about your body. If this is hard for you, Cooke suggests starting with the more obvious elements, such as “My body breathes for me” and “My body gets me around”.

2. Watch your language

Often negative associations are linked to certain words (‘fat’, ‘skinny’, ‘overweight’, ‘obese’, etc). Cooke proposes monitoring your language, and introducing new words such as ‘voluptuous’ and ‘svelte’ to describe people physically.

3. Stop the insults

“Be your own best friend,” Cooke says. “Make a vow not to say negative things about yourself anymore. You can talk positively about plans and lifestyle changes if you want to, but no self loathing.”

4. Boost your body image

Having followed the first three steps, it’s time to proactively change the way you think about your body. Cooke recommends removing clothes from your wardrobe that make you feel uncomfortable; using your body in new ways, such as through yoga or massage; and actively complimenting other people on their appearance and achievements. “What goes around will come around,” she says.

PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN

Dr Anthony Gunn, psychologist and author of Be Confident believes body issues such as acne or being overweight, especially when experienced during the crucial years of adolescence, can damage social confidence in later life. "It’s important to know that human’s number one fear, even more than dying, is worrying what others think of us," Gunn says. Protecting our children from a negative body image during adolescence, therefore, will stand them in good stead in the future.

“Tell girls they’re beautiful and that they have many more accomplishments,” Cooke recommends. “Don’t say ‘beauty doesn’t matter’ because they’ll see this as saying they’re not beautiful.” Although not as victimised by body image concerns as girls, it’s important to have the same conversations with boys, too. “Talk about the unrealistic images in the media,” Cooke says. “It makes us all feel smarter to recognise when somebody’s trying to manipulate us.”

SOCIAL CONFIDENCE

Dr Gunn believes that social confidence is the most important factor for a happy life. “Humans are a herd animal, we need others to survive,” he explains. “Psychologists have discovered that a person’s happiness will be largely determined by the quality of their relationships. Added to this, people who have lots of friends are healthier and live longer than those who live more isolated lives. Whether it’s asking the boss for time off, going for a job interview, making new friends, dealing with a difficult neighbour, going on a date, or joining a new social group/activity, the success of your relationships with others will be determined by the quality of your social skills.”

Carrying around a negative body image, however, can damage your ability to deal with social situations. If this is the case for you, follow Dr Gunn’s top tips for easing yourself into any social situation confidently.

Deep breathing: prevents the mind going blank by increasing blood flow to the rational thinking parts of the brain and takes blood away from the brain’s fear centre.

Smile: research shows that people who smile are seen as more trustworthy and likeable. An authentic smile involves a wrinkling of the skin around the outer parts of the eyes, whereas a fake smile or a smile motivated by anger does not use these eye muscles.

Listen twice as much as you speak: The most important social skill is to listen attentively without interrupting. By showing interest in the person(s) you’re talking to by asking questions instead of talking just about yourself, you’ll be seen as more likable.

Accept your nerves: When it comes to stepping out of social comfort zones, see your nerves as your body’s way of making you perform at your best.

Exercise your social confidence daily: Do something small each day that pushes you out of your social comfort zone such as: making a phone call instead of texting/emailing, initiating a conversation, eating somewhere that’s uncomfortable such as alone in a cafe or in the work lunchroom, or wearing clothing/jewellery/shoes that you wouldn’t normally.

RESOURCES

More information on Women’s Stuff by Kaz Cooke can be found at womensstuffbook.com.au.

If you’re struggling with body image, the following websites are committed to promoting positive self-image. any-body.org, about-face.org, completelygorgeous.com and adiosbarbie.com.