Expressing thanks is one of the most widely recommended strategies for increasing happiness. Studies show that people who more frequently think about and express gratitude tend to be happier and less depressed, anxious and lonely. They cope better with stress and trauma and are more forgiving, helpful and empathic. According to happiness expert professor Sonja Lyubomirsky, saying thank you also boosts our own self-esteem.

Follow these 10 steps and give yourself a boost this throughout the year.

1. CHANGE YOUR WAYS

Increase the psychological benefits you experience from expressing thanks by varying the ways you say thank you. Thanks can be offered verbally or in writing, privately or publicly, or through actions (eg helping or other nurturing acts). In choosing how to thank a particular person, ask yourself what type of thanks would mean the most to that person. Keep in mind that being a source of support during other people’s times of greatest need is a litmus test of relationship quality and is likely to be the most important way of expressing thanks to family and friends.


2. THANK MORE 


Say thank you to people you don’t usually thank. The happiness enhancing effects of experiences are generally greatest when the experiences are new and surprising. Expressing thanks strengthens social bonds, so saying thank you to a wider net of people is likely to enhance your feelings of community and belonging.

3. KEEP IT CHEAP


A 2002 study by US psychologists Tim Kasser and Ken Sheldon titled What Makes for a Merry Christmas found that people who put less focus on giving and receiving gifts were happier at Christmas. The same study found that people who received more expensive Christmas gifts actually had more negative emotions over the Christmas period than people who received less extravagant gifts.

4. WRITE IT DOWN

Studies show that for many people keeping a gratitude journal is effective for boosting happiness. Writing down things you’re grateful for will prompt you to think about things you don’t typically think about. The more you think about what you’re thankful for, the more you’re likely to notice opportunities to express thanks. Self experiment with your optimal frequency for writing in a gratitude journal – you shouldn’t write in it so often that it feels like a chore.


5. GIFT OF GIVING

Giving socially conscious gifts is linked to greater enjoyment of Christmas. Kasser and Sheldon’s study found that people who gave environmentally friendly presents and charitable donations (to provide an African family with a goat or access to clean water through an organisation such as Oxfam, for example) reported greater satisfaction and wellbeing. Many people prefer non-traditional gifts. To find out what types of gifts people like to receive, ask them directly (or ask their friends and families).

6. A POSITIVE BOOST    

During the times when you’re feeling blue or stressed it is especially important to think about expressing your thanks. Finding someone to thank or to do something kind for is a good strategy for lifting yourself out of a negative mood.

7. VERBALISE IMPACT  

Make a verbal thank you more meaningful by describing the positive impact being helped has had on you. For example, you might say "Thank you for showing me how to... especially since I know you have a lot of work to do. I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed because I couldn’t figure it out on my own and now I feel more confident."

8. ACCEPT PRAISE FROM OTHERS

Paying attention when you are thanked by someone else is an important skill in the art of saying thank you. We’re sometimes so distracted when people are attempting to thank us that we barely notice we’re being thanked or 
we dismiss what we’re being thanked 
for as no big deal. Being dismissive 
when other people thank us tends to 
be invalidating of both them and us.

9. EXPRESS FORGIVENESS

Giving heartfelt thanks sometimes involves practising forgiveness of the less desirable aspects of other people’s behaviour. It can be easier to accomplish this if you remind yourself that choosing to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with someone is likely to leave you feeling better than ruminating about the negative aspects.

10. GIVE THANKS 
TO OTHERS

"Pay it forward" acts 
of kindness are an excellent option for expressing gratitude when you can’t directly thank those you feel grateful to. Ways of doing this include supporting causes so other people can access whatever it is you feel grateful for, or deliberately increasing your number or variety of kind behaviours.