The fourth century BC Greek philosopher Plato spent decades contemplating the question of what is the best way to live.

His conclusion? Become a philosopher. It was a pretty self-serving (and some would say unhelpful) idea, but there was a point to his musings: asking questions about what life means can give us direction and help us decide how to make life better.

“I believe happiness and satisfaction is something that you can choose,” says psychologist Dr Timothy Sharp, founder of the Happiness Institute in Sydney.

“I did three degrees in psychology, including a PhD and a Masters, and I didn’t have one lecture on joy or passion or love or happiness. There’s a big difference between the absence of stress, and happiness.

"The Happiness Institute was set up because for so long in psychology we’ve been asking what’s wrong with people. But we need to start asking what’s right with people.”

Being caught up in the daily tornado of work, family, friends, chores and bills, it’s easy to forget the big questions, so we find ourselves going through the motions without a sense of real pleasure or meaning.

However, since Plato’s time we’ve been able to come up with some more eloquent conclusions about what purpose and direction our lives should have. The good news is we don’t all have to become philosophers.

BE THANKFUL

Legendary songstress Nina Simone (1933–2003) wrote a song called Ain’t Got No. In the blues tradition, the song begins with words about hardship.

She sings: “Ain’t got no home, ain’t got no shoes. Ain’t got no money, ain’t got no class. Ain’t got no skirts, ain’t got no sweater…Ain’t got no man.”

Then the tempo changes with the chorus and Simone’s voice rises: “I got my heart, I got my soul. I got my back, I got my sex. I got my arms, I got my hands…I’ve got life. I’ve got my freedom.”

Written in 1968, the song probably wouldn’t get much airplay in today’s music world of brands and bling, where stars like Britney Spears release songs called Gimme More.

In our Britney-obsessed world, it’s easy to lose touch with Simone’s simple and profound sentiment: be grateful for what you have, even if you have nothing more than being free and alive.

Gratitude is a starting point. Before you can find your life’s direction, you need to reflect on what’s good about what you already have.

“Developing a greater sense of appreciation or gratitude for what we do have in our lives, rather than what we don’t have, has a significant impact on our overall psychological wellbeing,” says psychologist Dr Suzy Green.

The best thing about being thankful is it doesn’t cost anything or even require much effort.

Sitting in your chair right now, you can probably list a whole lot of things in your head that you can be grateful for: friends, family, time to read a magazine, having a chair to sit in. Gratitude can be as simple or profound as you like.

“Having a roof over your head and a job makes you luckier than so many millions of people. We forget how lucky we are just to turn on a tap and have drinkable water,” says Dr Sharp.

Being thankful doesn’t need to stop you striving for change in your life. What it does is give you space.

Once you acknowledge what you have, it’s easier to decide what you really want to do.

BE OPTIMISTIC

The self-help mantra about “positive thinking” has come to mean covering your desk in Post-it notes with affirmations such as “I am wonderful”, which supposedly infuses you with the feeling of being wonderful.

Unfortunately, this type of positive thinking usually doesn’t work, and there’s a good reason why.

“What is called ‘positive thinking’ sometimes means this Pollyanna, rose-coloured glasses, everything-is-lovely kind of thing, and it’s not always realistic,” says Dr Sharp.

Think about it this way: if someone says to you, “Grapefruit is wonderful,” and you happen to dislike grapefruit, you’re not going to think it’s wonderful simply because someone said so.

The crux is this: the human mind searches for reasons behind ideas.

If you happen to think grapefruit is wonderful, it’s because there’s a reason: you like the taste or the colour, or you once knew a grapefruit that stopped a bullet.

But you won’t honestly think grapefruit is wonderful just because it’s written on a Post-it note.

The same goes for the way we think about ourselves. Instead of employing blanket sugar-coating, we need to use logic to structure our thoughts, and that’s what the experts call optimism.

“Optimistic thinking is looking for real positives in your life and dealing with problems in a constructive and realistic way,” says Dr Sharp.

Fortunately, “If you’re not a natural optimist, you can learn to think more optimistically,” he adds.

Optimism isn’t an emotion; it’s a way of thinking about things. “If you are stressed or have a problem or an overwhelming emotion, first work out what the cause is,” says psychologist Dr Kathy Rooney, of A Brighter Future clinic in Sydney.

“Write down exactly what the problem is and how it is making you feel. Then ask what you can do about it. Are you thinking about it realistically? Brainstorm some solutions and then decide which of those is the most honestly helpful,” she suggests.

You can also apply this technique to emotions. If you find yourself feeling bad about something, identify the cause of the feeling and list some alternative ways of thinking about it.

Be honest but fair. For example, if you make a mistake at work, instead of thinking blanket statements such as “I stuffed up and I don’t care,” a more optimistic (and realistic) way to think might be: “I made a mistake and I feel a little upset, but I’ve learned from it and I’ll do better next time.”

So while thinking “I am wonderful” may not be helpful, making more realistic statements when they’re appropriate – “I am a wonderful cook” or “My family is wonderful” or “It’s wonderful weather” or “I feel wonderful today” – is more evidently honest. That’s what you call optimism.

BE STRONG

If someone were to ask us what are our flaws, most of us could reel off an inventory of weaknesses and mistakes we’ve made and mulled over.

There are a lot of books and courses dedicated to overcoming our flaws but there’s very little advice for building on our strengths.

“A lot of people only focus on their weaknesses and they believe the way to be more satisfied is to get rid of their weaknesses,” Dr Rooney says.

“We all have weaknesses. You’ll be more fulfilled if you build on your strengths.”

Part of the problem is that strengths are often harder to pinpoint than weaknesses. What are you good at? What situations have you handled well, and why?

As Dr Sharp says, “Identifying your strengths doesn’t mean you’re boasting or being immodest. Work out what you’re good at and use those strengths in a way that’s going to benefit you and others.”

Sometimes your weaknesses can be a clue to your strengths. Do people complain that you’re stubborn? Then perhaps you’re also resilient.

If you’re accused of being compliant, maybe it means you’re also adaptable. We all have something we’re good at, even if it’s simply being humble.

BE CLEAR

There’s a lot of clutter out there. In the supermarket, for instance, you’re expected to choose from endless varieties of milk: A2, low fat, no fat, high calcium, smart, soy, flavoured, full cream…the possibilities take up a whole wall.

It’s easiest just to choose an old favourite and avoid having to think about it, or to grab the closest best-looking option.

Sometimes it’s the same when you’re trying to make a choice in life: it’s easier to follow an obvious path so you can avoid having to think about the infinite alternatives.

Dr Caroline West, a senior lecturer in philosophy at the University of Sydney, says, “Happiness is something we all want in our lives, but I don’t think a lot of us are very clear about what we want when we want to be happy.

"One of the useful things philosophy does is point out that there are different things we might want when we want to be happy. It’s important to be clear about what it means to each of us.”

Satisfaction and happiness mean something different to everyone. “Few people have actually sat down and asked what it would mean to live a good life,” says Dr Sharp.

“A lot of people wander through life and stumble across happiness every now and then, and that’s OK, but most people probably want something more. If you want more satisfaction in your life, you need to be clear about what that means to you.”

Reflect on the times in your life when you were happiest or most satisfied. “Determine what you want your life to look like,” says Dr Rooney.

“List how you’re currently spending your time and how you’d ideally be spending your time. Look at all aspects of your life: work, relationships, family, health and community. Compare how you’d like to live your life with how you’re actually living your life,” she says.

Setting goals is important, but they must be realistic. If you have lofty ambitions, that’s OK, but make sure you have more achievable, short-term goals that you can reach in the meantime.

“If you set goals that are too high, it can make you stressed or even defeated when you don’t reach those goals,” Dr Rooney says.

You also need to make sure your goals are truly your own and are not based on the expectations of others. “We need to set authentic goals that we have ownership over and that are aligned with our core values,” says Dr Green.

“Research has also shown that striving for goals that are not ours or not what we really think we should pursue leads to lower levels of goal attainment and wellbeing.”

If you have a big dream that you’re determined to fulfil, plan how you’re going to get there in a series of shorter-term steps.

“Your shorter-term goals should be specific, measurable, authentic (aligned with your values), realistic and time-framed,” Dr Green says. Of course, your goals may not always go as planned, but isn’t the journey or adventure half the fun?

BE DEEP

History is littered with stories of successful people – politicians, singers, actors and artists – who were deeply unsatisfied. Striving for career or relationship goals or public success may be important but it’s not everything. We all know instinctively that true fulfilment comes at a deeper level.

“People want some deep kind of happiness,” says Dr West. “We all want more than the superficial pleasures. We want some deep sense of fulfilment. It’s not just a judgment about how your life is going. It’s a deep feeling that your life is worthwhile.”

Dr Sharp points out that it’s valuable to remember fulfilment comes in many different guises.

“This is an important message: happiness, as I use the term, does not mean ecstasy, joy and laughter every minute of every day. It means appropriately experiencing the full range of human emotions.

"It’s perfectly normal to experience negative emotions, though I don’t like to call them negative. Anxiety is a good example.

"It’s perfectly healthy to experience anxiety in some circumstances, to stop you doing something dangerous, for example. It’s normal to experience sadness or grief.

"What’s important is how you react to these emotions. It’s important that you feel them and move on in an appropriate way; that you don’t let a particular emotion take over your life. No one is happy 100 per cent of the time, but we can be happy more often.”

British philosopher John Stuart Mill (1806–73) was a child prodigy who spent his entire adolescence reading dense philosophical texts.

“In his early 20s he had a kind of crisis. He felt he’d spent his life developing his rational capacity but his emotional and spiritual life had been stunted,” says Dr West.

“So he started to ask what happiness really is. In the end, he decided the key to happiness is to pursue activities you find meaningful, and you get happiness as a by-product.

"He thought that if you consciously try to be happy, you won’t be. The conscious pursuit of happiness is bound to be self-defeating. All you can do is do the things you find really worthwhile and happiness will come to you.”

Mill’s idea is expressed in the celebrated phrase: “Happiness is not the destination; it’s the journey.” It’s a pursuit, a hunt, a battle – and it’s different for everyone.

“My own view is that to get a deep sense of satisfaction is to live a life where your talents are used in accordance with your values,” says Dr West.

“So then there’s harmony between what you think is important and what you’re able to do well.”

For some, that may mean using your skills to help others; for others it could mean being a good parent or friend. Whatever it means, it takes a different shape in each one of us.

Happiness, satisfaction, fulfilment – whatever you prefer to call it – is like a diamond with many sides. It means appreciating what you have, being realistic, being hopeful, having goals and understanding yourself. And perhaps more. It’s unique, it’s precious and it’s free. So what are you waiting for?

Dr Caroline West’s book, On Happiness, will be released later this year. The Happiness Institute runs courses for individuals, groups and workplaces. www.happinessinstitute.com