Mum. A small word that sums up an immense responsibility and a life-changing journey. Shaped by age, era, circumstance and the personality and needs of each child, every mother’s experience will be unique.
EMILY
Mum to Alyssa, 11, and Mia, 2;
stepmum to Jorden, 15; Annabel, 8, and Ayden, 7
“The hardest thing about being a teen mum was other people’s judgements. It was frustrating because I knew I was a good mum, and I always knew I wanted to be a young mum. From 17, I was stepmum to Jorden, who was two and a half, and then I had Alyssa when I was 19. It has gotten better over the years. Now, when people find out I was a teen mum, they are more likely to say, ‘Good for you!’ I always imagined the best thing about being a young mum would be my ability to better relate to my children because of the smaller age gap, but it hasn’t quite turned out like that. Alyssa still thinks I’m ancient. Whenever I say, ‘When I was a teenager …’, she looks at me as though that was a million years ago. I often have a giggle about it. I was a single mum for a while. The most stressful part was having to make the huge life decisions for the children by myself. When my husband, Michael, and I got together and we had to decide where to send Alyssa to school … it was just so much easier to talk with someone about it. What I love most about being a mum is the bond and the unique relationship I have with each child. They teach me never to take anything for granted and to try to live in the moment, which is great for someone who always tends to be 10 steps ahead of herself!”
CONNIE
Mum to Kerry, 39, Pam, 37, Brett, 37, and Jim, 37
“Kerry was 17 months old when the triplets were born, and I had just turned 22. It was my youth and resilience that got me through that time. Also, I believed my children were the most precious people, and I wanted to be the best mum I could be. I liked that I got to see things through their eyes: you are reminded of the wonder of the world. By the time the triplets came along, I had decided that I knew I would make mistakes, but that I loved my children dearly and I would find a way to care for them my way. I was particularly careful to treat each of the triplets as individuals. I didn’t like not knowing how to parent effectively; the book Systematic Training for Effective Parenting saved me. I could identify my reactions to my children’s behaviours and was able to be less reactionary and more encouraging. And it’s wonderful to see that my kids have grown into loving and compassionate human beings. Mothering advice? Be consistent, be loving, be mindful that you are the adult. Give your children the space to play, be curious and be helpful. Your children are not your friends. You have the responsibility of making decisions for them, and they need to know that you will take care of them.”
BRONWEN
Mum to Setanta, 7, and Saoirse, 4
“Finding out Setanta had disabilities was hard to hear at first … very upsetting. Raising a child with disabilities (Setanta has developmental dyspraxia, a disorder affecting motor skills and communication) is challenging because they don’t go through the same developmental milestones as other kids; his sister, who is nearly three years younger, is already much more advanced developmentally. He needs a lot more supervision. He does athletics, but where other parents are asked to simply drop their kids off, I have to stay. It’s also impossible to find him a babysitter. Not even my mum will babysit because it’s just too much work. Where my daughter, Saoirse, doesn’t like to get into trouble, Setanta doesn’t care and will do the wrong thing over and over again. At the same time, he is a happy child with a friendly character. I have this desire or hope that one day he will be ‘normal’, but I have to accept that that may never happen.”
JANICE
Mum to Karla, 32, Philip, 30, Thomas, 25; foster mum
to two girls, 10 and 12, and two boys, 6 and 7
“My role as a foster mum is no different to any parent; to offer security, love and a happy family environment. Right from the start we decided on long-term foster care as we knew we would become emotionally attached. People often say to us the children are so lucky to have you, but I say we are the lucky ones. I couldn’t imagine life without them. Of course, foster kids come with a diverse range of challenges – but to see them overcome these challenges is really rewarding. It’s important to always talk about the long-term future so they know they are part of the family … that this is home. You never stop being a mum, even when kids become adults. You share their joys, triumphs, tears and fears. As a mum, I know I can only try to be a positive role model … that I am not superwoman and will get some things wrong. I know to savour every moment because they grow up so quickly. I think it’s important to let children enjoy the freedom of being a child, as they’re an adult for much longer. They will remember you making mud cakes with them …
and you’re never too old to go on a flying fox! Toys
will soon be forgotten but special moments will be
held for a lifetime.”
JOAN
Mum to Christina, 40
“After several miscarriages culminating in an ectopic pregnancy, my husband and I decided on adoption as we desperately wanted a child. We adopted through the Catholic Adoption Agency. The process was relatively easy in the 1970s. The best thing about motherhood was enjoying the development of my daughter from baby to toddler (her first steps were a thrill!) right through to adulthood. The challenges were trying to keep an only child occupied and entertained. Being positive and planning ahead are essential. My husband worked full-time and I was a stay-at-home mother. It was often challenging to be cooking two meals in the evening: one for my daughter and me, then one for my husband who would work late many nights of the week. Family holidays were always very special in our family and we had an annual holiday to Blueys Beach. We all still go to Blueys for holidays and it has become a special place for Christina’s daughter, also. I feel proud of my role as a mother and cannot think of anything I would do differently. I do admire the women of today for their ability to juggle a career as well as be a parent. The only advice I would give young mothers is to be kind and loving but firm, and spend as much quality time as possible with your children, as they grow up
so quickly.”
MAHA
Mum to Sarah, 33, Ahmed, 30, Feda, 27, and Hesham, 22
“My family arrived in Australia from Lebanon in 1966. We were the first migrants to live on our street. I raised my children in the same neighbourhood I grew up in, so a lot of trust had developed. However, with the Gulf War in the 1990s and later with 9/11, a lot did change and we were touched by it. There was discrimination and I remember an incident with my daughter … her friends would say, “You’re Muslim, but you’re not like them.” My journey into Islam began when my children started to ask questions. I didn’t want to give them the cultural baggage associated with Islam. I began to search spiritual Islam, which is about the heart. One of the best things about being a mother is the unconditional love you get from your children, and every day I learn something new. Children are a mirror. I would also see in them the actions I did not like in myself. I learned it was important to show the way. We often don’t tend to walk the talk. I did that a lot with my children. And it continues today … we are constantly evolving together. It’s important to have insight into your own self; children can see immediately whether you are genuine or not. Look at your children in the same way you would like them to see you, today
and into the future. Ask yourself, how would I like
to be remembered by my children in five to 10
years’ time?” Photography: Mel Koutchavlis
VITORIA
Mum to Amaliah, 7, and Eric, 4
“I love the fun I have with being a parent. I’m encouraged to explore life in a different way. My children take me to places I wouldn’t normally go. I love that they bring me into the present moment. As a florist, my love of nature is reflected in my children. I have such an appreciation of colour, texture and form … and it comes out in their language and play. Already children have such wonder for life and nature, and I encourage that further simply through my own appreciation of it. My children attend a Montessori school, which also has a strong creative philosophy. Children come to learn independently. Someone may be doing maths in one area, someone else reading a story in another … the children are left to seek out the information rather than simply being taught it, which encourages a thirst for learning. As a yoga family [Vitoria’s husband co-directs a yoga school], my kids have picked up the philosophy and practice of yoga through osmosis and our own yoga play. They are very aware of their own space and are very sensitive to other people. Amaliah and Eric have a fond connection with the yoga postures and find their way into them intuitively.”
